Monday, March 5, 2018

Time For A Break (FFF 5)

Man am I ever late- I apologize!

I came on to announce that I will be away for a bit. I'm entering a very busy season of my life- all good things- and I'm finding it more difficult to stay current here so have come to realize a break was necessary.

In other news... I haven't "officially" begun exercising, but I have been outputting so much physical energy each day as I tackle spring cleaning that I feel as though I've run a marathon most days.
I've gotten down and dirty with my oven, cleaned out and applied liners to my fridge, and scoured my dishwasher among so many other things...

I've mostly been doing ok with eating this week but with all the output of energy have eaten some carbs in order to keep my energy up... at times I've even forgotten to eat- not so good.

And I've lost 4 pounds!

As well as being busy physically, my mental energy is being well used. I'm teaching a co- op class, helping out in my church, and have joined a mothers group for breakfast and a group study each Thursday morning. I am currently actively engaged in 2 different book readings and learning so much from them!

Life is full and good!

J and I are very connected in all the ways I hope for, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and I have found that we seem to be turning a corner in our dynamic. Punishment hasn't happened here in quite some time... other types of spanking... well that certainly has and it is awesome!
For the first time ever we are exploring the benefits to stress relief and erotic types of spanking and learning more about achieving the desired effects of "subspace"- anyone with experience there please comment!!

I think I have only experienced subspace through massage- J is amazing with his hands when giving me a back rub or running his hands through my hair and the feeling it brings sounds like what is described as others have explained what subspace feels like. I haven't been there yet through spanking  (which up until now have mainly disciplinary in practice here) but we are exploring.
J gave me a wonderful spanking a few days ago and I could feel the edges coming off. He said it relieved his stress as well which I found interesting. Comments on that would be welcome also!

I want to keep in contact while I am away so will be visiting your blogs when time allows. Please feel free to comment here or drop me an email.

Best Wishes,


Sunday, February 25, 2018

FFF week 4

I have so many posts I'd like to write if I could just find the time to write them....

So this past week has gone well... I'm starting to de-clutter my house and get ready for spring cleaning as I've seen many others doing.

I went shopping with my older girl the other day to buy her new clothes and we had a great time! I was 'pretty good' at Mcdonalds when we went for lunch and ordered small sizes... well a medium fry because come on, how can you get a small when it's McDonalds fries?! ... and a triple cheese burger instead of a regular because I can't eat the bun so I need more of the other stuff... but I got a 'snack size' Mcflurry so I was good there!

This past week I focused on eating healthy (low carb and high protein) and I did really well. Wednesday I messed up a bit but the rest of the week was good.

I haven't started exercising yet... sigh.... J set up the trampoline for me so I would have a little more motivation. So if all else fails in the work out dept this next week I will try my best to at least use the trampoline each day.

Hope everyone else is having/ or had a successful week. I'm still making my way through blogland to visit each of you. Here's to week 5!

Good luck everyone,


Sunday, February 18, 2018

My First Dom

I always wanted to be daddy's little girl...

But I grew up knowing only a father.

My father was there in the physical sense. He provided for the family, helped take care of the children, came home every night... but he was not a daddy.

When I did something wrong... even when it was a simple mistake, he was harsh with me. He was the kind of father that used his hands before his words. When he became this way I was afraid of him. Sometimes his outbursts caused  injuries.

I remember wanting to feel special to him, wanting the adoration he showed to my only sibling... a sister. She was a very compliant child... I was a little more head strong.
As I grew older I believed I was a bad child and that no one could really love me.

I remember having a thought... maybe if I could be very very good I could make my father really love me and I could be that special girl that I wanted to be to him. So I tried to be extra good for him, but it seemed no matter how hard I tried, it wasn't good enough. He always found some reason to be angry with me.

Finally one day, I stopped caring, or so I thought... I got angry and I pushed to make my stand... and he pushed back...hard.

There were days I shook like a leaf and screamed in silence for relief. There were nights I cried myself to sleep.

I tried to fill the void of not having my father with things that were not good for me, because I didn't know any better. I just wanted to escape the internal pain.

Then one day I met this guy. He was sweet and kind and when he looked at me and smiled I saw the adoration that I had needed from my father. I felt safe with him.

As I got to know him and we grew closer I realized that I wanted to trust him, I wanted to give him all of me and let him lead me and heal the parts that were broken with his affirmation, but still I was afraid.
What if I really was unlovable?

He asked me to marry him and I loved him so much that I said yes. I couldn't picture my life without him... still I was afraid.

I was afraid once he married me he would find out my dark secret.. that I was bad. That I was unlovable.

We got married and we were happy but soon after my insecurities came out... and I began to fight him tooth and nail. All the insecurities I had, all the feelings that were pent up, all the anger that my father deserved came out at this new man.

At first he tried to help me, tried to figure out what was wrong, but even I didn't know, I just wasn't okay. After some time he began to close himself off. He didn't know what to do any more and we were not doing well.

In time things between us evened out but it was not the same. We were not as close as we had been before. It wasn't until years later, when my mother left my father, that we knew we needed to embrace each other and not let the same thing happen to us.

My husband embraced me again, and once again I felt safe in his arms. He sheltered me from the storm of my parents divorce. Finally I was able to ask to follow my husbands lead. I learned there was a difference between loving dominance and a domineering man. Finally I was able to trust.

I know that many of the needs I have are a result of the hurt that my domineering father put me through all those years. And now that I've learned to trust, my husband says the change in me is like night and day.

 I still had areas of trust to work on... submission didn't come over night. One of the rules my new Dom gave me was to rely emotionally on him and tell him everything, good or bad. I had a tendency to rely on others emotionally, still too afraid to be completely vulnerable to him... but in time and with his help and love I learned to lean on him alone. I never knew such freedom as this! Even if I did something wrong or was what I thought to be 'unlovable' he accepted me and loved me anyway. He would discipline me if needed but he was not harsh with me and his love was still there just as strong as it had been before.

If there is anything I've learned so far on this journey it is that I am lovable, and that I am not the things that my father taught me I was. My first dom may have broke my heart but my new Dom has put the pieces back together.


Hey guys,

Well I haven't accomplished much in terms of my many goals this week but I am proud of what I have accomplished. The carbs and exercise still need work but I've done great with drinking lots of water each day and keeping up with my commitments.
So I want to continue in these this next week but also really focus on limiting the carbs and exercising each day.
I'm still catching up with you all so will try to leave comments for you soon. Cheers to another successful week!


Monday, February 12, 2018

Happy Valentines Day!!

A few days ago Baker wrote a post about a love song that reminds her of her relationship with her husband and she asked fellow bloggers to comment with their favorite love songs, so in preparation for Valentines Day, I thought I would write a post with songs that make me think of my J. 

This first one was our wedding song... 14 years ago! Whenever it comes on we still look at each other with a gleam in our eyes and one of us usually meanders over to turn up the radio. This is Love of My Life by Jim Brickman (with Michael W. Smith)...

This next song makes me think of J and how we are now... our relationship has changed so much since he became the leader of our marriage and home and I agreed to submit to him. I love the first two lines of the song...  'You roll through life like a rolling fire, I bring the rain like a thunderstorm'
So true... I used to say I came into adulthood with my claws out- I trusted no one. J calms my storms (sometimes by lighting a fire in my ass) ... the next lines... "Yea we found peace on a battlefield, It all makes sense in love and war' ... Sometimes beginning this way of life and switching roles around literally feels like a battlefield in the beginning.. but yea, it all makes sense when we do this thing we do in love. I know you all know what I mean. Enjoy this one!

This last one is a hard one... it reminds me how I feel when I've strayed too far from J and have begun relying on 'me' and not 'US'. When I try to go it alone instead of leaning on him and letting him guide me, when I'm worn out for trying so hard instead of trusting him, when I've fought against him and lost my way... this one is the one I think of.

 And here are some photos that really express the heart of submission or the way I see my submission to J... The feeling behind these photos, the complete trust and giving of self is what I want to strive for. I am happiest when I am here...

Happy Valentines Day to all of you,


Jlynne 💘

Sunday, February 11, 2018


*sigh*... well I'm so used to posting on Sundays it's tough to try to make the Friday deadline...
I'm really not doing so well with my goals. I feel like I haven't 'officially' begun FFF because I really wasn't mentally ready to do so.

I haven't really been watching the carbs much, haven't exercised, I've been forgetting to post here and haven't lost a thing... in fact I think I gained a pound (and not the good kind from muscle)

Oh, I did do gonoodle one morning with my kids though...

Ok, I really do want to take this seriously so.... how about a re-do...?

This week (after today, lol) I will ....

1. work out daily with the wii (that is Mon- Fri)
2. Limit carb in- take and eat lots of protein.
3. really try to stay faithful to updating on Fridays
4. Lose the 14 (15 now) pounds I want to before summer.

Ok, there it is. I didn't want to lie about it...

I'll give it my best so help me mentally prepare here guys. I could really use the encouragement. It's been a challenge lately as I'm battling fatigue and blues- likely because my thyroid levels are being adjusted.
To be on top of things and eating healthy/ exercising would likely help.

Hugs to you all,


OK, I'm editing this post to add to my goals list... I know, I know, but one of the ways I get past the blues is by NOT SITTING DOWN... literally I mean not sitting- keeping busy... (Not that I need a reason to not sit)...

Anyway... here is my new and improved goal list... and it's really just what I want to aim for it's not set in stone... but I do want to do my best to accomplish these things... so here goes...

1. Work out Monday - Friday with the wii or doing aerobics.
2. Drink 8-10 glasses of water a day, limit carbs, high protein diet. 
3. No long sitting binges (unless I'm having a break for a bit)
4. Wake early for quiet time and HAVE a quiet time- (no reading on phone or laptop)
5. keep up with commitments (these include my new years resolutions around the groups that I'm involved with).
6. Try to do some writing (when the energy/ motivation/ inspiration is present- anyhow I will try to put more effort here).

And I will add that my ultimate goal is to lose the (14-15 pounds I'm still carrying from pregnancy/ etc. ) but my everyday goal is to feel better and be more healthy physically so I have the right mindset here. I am not down on my body at all and actually rather like it mostly so life is good there.

Also, I will update every week but if I don't make the post by Friday I will definitely update by Sunday.

Thanks for the support ladies. I love having you guys behind me.



Tuesday, February 6, 2018

The Thing I Feared...

Well it has finally happened...

So after having a fever all weekend I kind of developed a weird cyst- thing on my... ya know... between my @$$ and my ... (insert favorite term for private place here)... TMI (sorry)...

Well... this was NOT gonna do...

So I called my Gyno...

Now I've been in forums before where we have discussed fears about trips to the Gyno for various reasons and I figured, I got this. Gyno trips are usually scheduled in advance... right!
Well, not this time...

So I arrive after J gets home to watch the kids. No way am I bringing a handful of ankle- biters to my glorious Gyno visit.

The nurse brings me in the room and hands me a drape..."bottoms off"... and leaves the room. I peer around making sure all the curtains are closed. It's a doctors office for crying out loud... still I do it every time.

So I remove said clothes...! This is so true... 
 and place the drape over my legs. I am now sitting... and looking at these massive, black stirrups on either side of me. The things looked like boxing cuffs...

When the doctor comes in she talks to me for a bit... at least I got the one I like.... and then her assistant walks in... oh great, an audience...

They have me lay back and begin to arrange my legs in the black boxing cuffs... it appears to be the first time they've used them... yay! I get to be their experiment...

Now I'm finally arranged and my legs are UP and OUT... as spread- eagled as it comes...

The doctor finds the cyst thing right away... "Oh you poor thing"....there is a reason I like her...

She asks if it hurts to sit... yup... among other reasons which I'm hoping she can't see...

Both faces below seem to be engrossed in my... (insert said favorite private name here)... scraping away for cultures whilst asking me questions... "Does this hurt?"... "Yes... but it's bearable"... (I can't believe I said this).... later I'm thinking... um does 'bare down there' come to mind here...

Finally the torture is over and I nearly knock over that lamp structure thing in my attempt to sit with my legs sticking up in the air... that gets a laugh from both medical personnel... They help me up.

I am now sitting once again and facing the doctor trying not to focus on the ever pressing knowledge  that this woman was just staring at my c### and have a candid conversation with her....

Everything looks okay... antibx perscribed for the next seven days... and she will call during the week with culture results but she doesn't suspect anything... all good news....

and no mention of any spanky marks on my lower cheek areas... even better!