Sunday, January 14, 2018

Answers to Bakers Meme

Today is a new day and I wanted to join the bandwagon and answer the questions from Bakers Meme! Thanks for thinking of these Baker. These are very thoughtful questions. I think it is great to reflect on things from time to time so here goes:)

1.  Are you an introvert or extrovert or somewhere in between?  What about your HOH? 

Definately an introvert. In some situations when with friends I can be a bit of an extrovert but generally I am the quieter one in a group. I tend to think and ponder a lot so this is reflected in my outward personality. I've been told that I think too much!
J is also an introvert. When we are together with others he is even quieter than I am. We do talk a lot at home with each other but tend to clam up when we are with others.

2.  At what age did you realize that spanking was something you were into and at what length did you go to hide it?  Did your HOH know?  For those of you who began your marriage with spanking do you think anything from your childhood helped you to be more accepting of the spanking lifestyle.

I realized this at a very early age (maybe 4 or so). I would draw pictures of a parent spanking there child and I was 'fascinated' by spanking depicted in books and movies/ cartoons. Spanking was something that happened in my childhood and although I was terrified of incurring the punishment I found I was also fascinated by it. I'm not really sure why this was although I think it may have stemmed from the need for my father to forgive me afterward. He tended to regard me as the black sheep of the family and I never really felt excepted by him so I think my curiosity/ need stems from that. Although I 'can' enjoy erotic spanking it really wasn't what brought me to DD. I was way more attracted to/ felt the need for discipline to keep me within healthy boundary limits. Having limits made me feel safe and protected and I craved the forgiveness factor that comes afterward.
As a teenager I knew I was attracted to spanking but I also knew that I had a deep emotional tie to that fascination. The thought of spanking generally made me want to cry rather than turning me on (although at times it could do both). I didn't understand it and would not want anyone to find out really although I did write poems that had spanking in them and I did let one boyfriends know about it and spank me a couple times. This boyfriend was the one that told me about BDSM and suggested that perhaps that's "what I had". At that point I confused my need for discipline with a fetish because that's all I knew to liken the need to.

3.  Do you know of anyone else in your family who practices DD, TTWD, etc.?  And how did you come to learn that they did?

No but I do have an interesting story to tell.
My grandfather was a minister and one day when my dad was around age 7, he and my grandmother had an argument. She got so worked up that she packed her suitcase and threatened to leave the house. Well my dad got so scared that he began to cry and went to his dad and begged him not to let her go. My grandfather, a very quiet, soft- spoken man went over to the door and put her over his knee and spanked her right there in front of my dad. Today they are the most harmonious couple I know and I admire their relationship. My grandma also calls him "daddy" which I know is not "Daddy- Dom related but in reference to him being the "daddy" of their children but it's still cool.

4.  Are you a homebody or outgoing?  To me this is different than being an introvert or extrovert.  You can be an introvert and still love to go to museums or a ball game.  You can also be an extrovert and love to just have people over and entertain in your home rather than going elsewhere.

Homebody all the way! I do like to go out but I love being in the comfort of my own home more. I find being with others enjoyable but draining and usually need to recharge afterwards which I know is the introvert in me but it does make it more comfortable to be home.
5.  How do you view blogging?  Is it an outlet?  A way you process?

It is definitely an outlet and the way I process. It is also a means to document my journey with J and to meet others in the lifestyle for support.

6.  What tendencies do you see in your DD or TTWD friends and bloggers?  Warning this one may be sensitive to answer.  I am in no way trying to criticize these are simply observations or things that may be similarities between us.

I think like others have said that it is a place we can all be safe to come and share and find support in a way that we won't find judgment. I think we all need that. As far as similarities in personalities, we all have our differences, however I do think that many of us (myself included) struggle with insecurities or difficulties with anxieties and/ or depression. This is not the case for all of us though and I don't think it's our sole reason for wanting this at all, but I do think that this lifestyle helps us cope with these types of things.
I also think that many of the women that are attracted to this lifestyle are very strong women and just need a place in their life that they can relinquish control and let go a bit.
 I think that many of us are cautious with our identities which I totally get as this is a sensitive subject matter that can be easily misunderstood. I think it is wise to get to know someone for a good period of time before sharing personal details with them.

7.  Are you a lover of the printed word?

Yes! I love to read. Novels especially!

8.  Do you view yourself as a submissive?

No not generally. My personality is very independent. I do view myself, now, as submissive to J but it took a great deal of time and effort for me to get there and I am still evolving of course.

9.  Last question.  What traits do you see in your HOH that help you follow his lead?

J is stronger than I am emotionally (and physically) but it's his emotional strength and his ability to support me when I'm weak that has always made me feel cherished and protected. That has been true even in the early days of our relationship way before we ever heard of DD.
He is a "doer" and he keeps me going, keeps me on my toes when I want to give in and quit or succumb to my depression. I admire his example and value his influence in my life.
There are other traits of course and some have developed after our beginning DD, but this trait is the one that stands out to me because it is authentically his and the one that has given me strength since the very beginnings of our relationship.

Thank you Baker for thinking up these questions. This was fun to participate in. Looking forward to reading everyone else's responses!


Saturday, January 13, 2018

My First Official Rant!!!

Guess what!?
My husband is not the perfect leader and sometimes it really pisses me off. This is an angry post so I will understand if you'd prefer to move on to the next blog.
This is however my first "official" rant on here so I would appreciate feedback as it is very uncomfortable for me to be so transparent in a public place. (And definitely not the first rant believe me, just first for this blog).

I was called up for check in this morning. Yeah, it's like 7:21 as I write this. I knelt down and J hugged me and we embraced for a... while. Figuring out what you want to say up there Mr. Dom?
I pulled away gently with a smile to encourage things to move along. He reminded me to behave today- My unbirthday celebration with him is tonight (I'll get to that later) so I was feeling rather excited.
Anyhow I brought up my confusion on a rule of ours that I felt he was back and forth about. My carb rule. I mentioned before that I have struggled with an eating disorder in the past. Basically I struggled with eating unhealthy carbs during times of stress and then would throw up to get rid of them and control weight issues. So when I began submitting to J he made a rule that I could not eat carbs to alleviate the need to purge (and control weight which was my goal).
This rule has changed over time. During pregnancy I was required to eat some carbs and so this rule was taken away. Now post pregnancy I am allowed to eat carbs but I have to ask his permission first or he has to be with me for portion control. This alleviates the need to purge bc he doesn't let me eat the 'wrong' carbs or if I do he limits how much of them I take. Suffice it to say that purging has not been an issue this time around and most of the baby weight I gained has come off which makes me happy.
So at check in I tried to explain that I was confused about this rule because a couple of days ago I had texted him to ask if I could eat a sandwich (on bread) but I made it thinking he would text me back and say ok.... but he was busy at work and didn't text me right away. I ate the sandwich.
Later I told him that I had. I have PMS- can you tell! which always makes it harder for me to control cravings and yeah ... so technically I broke the rule.
Well at check in he got defensive and frustrated with me for saying that I was confused about this. He saw this as criticism. Before you ask, yes, I had a respectful tone, I was kneeling, all of the above...check, check, check.
And still he got defensive. He raised his voice to turn mine off. I feel my voice was taken from me and my submission was taken advantage of. Not Cool!
I will submit until I feel stepped on unjustly then it is null and void until he is ready to be fair. I will not be mistreated (and I use that word loosely) because I am the submissive partner. Now he is a good man. He works hard, he manages our finances, pays all our bills, takes care of us, protects us, all the above. But we do occasionally have hiccups and when we have them, ladies, I need support.
I'm sure we'll get over it. We'll go on and celebrate my un-birthday tonight as planned and we'll have fun. But right now, right now I'm just angry.

Now, let me explain why I am having an un- birthday.
My birthday is the day after Christmas. Well, as if that is not enough of a reason to need an un- birthday we also had a little set- back on Christmas eve. My mom was here visiting from out of state and things were going very well... until... I yelled at J a bit... in front of my mom and the kids. We had a misunderstanding about what our oldest child needed. He has special needs and finds verbal communication difficult and so we were both trying to help him before he had a complete melt down only thing is we were both trying to help him in completely opposite directions. Hopefully this makes sense. So I got stressed and snapped at J a bit. Later while he was helping the kids shower and get ready for bed, I was passing him in the hall and he said, "We will talk about this later." Well I know what that means.
So when the kids were down he took me into the bathroom that is by the bedrooms. The dungeon two levels down was currently being occupied by my mom. And he pulled out the wooden spoon to discipline me. I asked him to please not use the spoon as the kids were only doors away and mom was in our home. He saw this as a sign of disrespect to his authority.
I tried to explain, it wasn't that I didn't want to submit to him, I did. And I agreed that I should be punished. I just didn't want to be overheard by our kids who were 'waiting' for Santa Claus to come, or for my mom to overhear if she meandered up the first flight of stairs to go to the bathroom a floor bellow us.
Unreasonable? I think not! So he sent me to bed in a huff because I wouldn't submit to him. I went without argument but I was hurt.
Christmas morning I watched the kids open their presents and enjoyed them. I did not open my own from J as I wasn't ready to accept anything from him. I needed my heart to feel better first. Not to mention I was already under considerable stress because my dad and his 'new' wife would also be coming to our home for Christmas dinner (with my mom there). So long story shorter I was already in a bit of an emotional funk.
Later that night when the kids went to bed we talked things out and I felt better. J understood that I wasn't trying to be uncooperative but that I had a legitimate reason for being cautious. Our dynamic is our decision and I'm happy with it but I don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable and he clearly thought that no one would be the wiser, and had expressed this the night before, but I was still concerned.
So the next morning, my birthday, my mom had to leave to catch her flight back. This was not her intention to leave me on my birthday but she had to relieve her brother who was staying with their dad who isn't doing well health- wise and had no choice but to leave that day. So, another reason I suppose, that I was feeling emotional. We said goodbye at 6 in the morning and I swallowed back tears as I hugged her and J placed her luggage in the car.
Later that day though I was mulling over Christmas eve with J, Christmas dinner and the stress I felt over all of my family being in one home- with the addition of the new wife, and my mom leaving. I built a wall around myself and I don't remember how it came about but J and I had words and I got spanked and I cried and cried and cried. I laid in bed and didn't want to do anything. I had the total, 'it's my party and I'll cry if I want to' attitude and I milked it for all it was worth. J canceled our plans to go out because he could see it was not the right time. He came and held me as I cried and he cried too. We made up and J and the kids sang to me over cupcakes after dinner. But we planned an un- birthday to make up for my real birthday.
So that is the whole story behind the un- birthday which I share to explain the disappointment of having this hiccup at check in this morning.
Sometimes I feel like J wants to take the easy way out when it comes to leadership. If the rule is a rule then admit it and even if you give me grace, let me know the damn rule still applies so I can go forward trying to follow it. It's not the grace that bothered me it's that he says it's a rule and then when I tell him I broke he asks me 'was what you ate gluten free?' (I have celiac disease). I told him yes. and he basically told me it wasn't an issue then. Ok, so I can take, "hun I'm gonna give you grace but you know the rule so don't do it again," but I can't take that it's a rule that applies sometimes but other times. That is damn confusing. It only shows me that he is choosing laziness so that he doesn't have to address the issue in some way.
He isn't like this all the time but for this issue he seems to get that way from time to time. There was a period that he didn't feel that this needed to be a rule for me because I was doing so well following my diet restrictions so he backed off on the rule. So I guess it's like he doesn't want to pick it up again, doesn't find it necessary. So I guess what I was asking this morning was 'is it a rule in your mind or is it not bc if not then I need to know.' I wasn't challenging him or trying to critique him really but he got so defensive that he wouldn't listen when I tried to explain... thus this post.
So there is the ugly side of ttwd. Honestly it feels good to get it out.
I love my husband and I know he loves me so no question there. This is just so hard when things don't go as they should, as they have been. We've had so much harmony since the holidays.
Anyhow, thanks in advance for reading. I will keep you updated on how things go when I post tomorrow.


Thursday, January 11, 2018

Reflecting on Our Roles

 I was talking with another DD wife recently (πŸ˜‰) and we were discussing the benefit that we each glean from the boundaries given to us by our husbands. I mentioned that having boundaries makes me feel safe and protected. She replied that having boundaries gave her a reason to to do tasks for her husband and reap the benefit of his appreciation of it. I thought this was an interesting way to look at it.

I've been reading a book lately called The Resolution For Women. Maybe you've heard of it? Actually I've read it before but every once in a while I like to go back and reflect on it some more. There is a  section in the book that talks about the marital roles of leadership of the husband and submission of the wife. A line in the book reads, "Spouses (husbands) tend to live up to the standard in those they see around them..."

I thought about this. Doesn't that make the woman the leader? Isn't that backwards? It's basically suggesting that by myself (the submissive) submitting to my husbands standards it will in turn help him to follow them as well.

I thought about what I had talked about with the other wife. If the boundaries are there because they are J's (and my) wishes for our home- hopefully I would do them anyway- but by the thought process  specified in this book I am not just doing them for myself alone but for J. If my submission to J actually helps him to also live up to those standards and take on the role of leadership in the home I am actually helping him by being submissive to him. In turn I feel protected because I now have a reason to live within the boundaries besides simply the mere reason that "I would anyway."
And so perhaps this is why I feel protected by the boundaries that J sets forth? Because I now have someone besides myself to live within them for.J backs up those boundaries with his authority and also lives by those boundaries himself that way if I ever don't feel like I want to obey the guidelines, his authority is there to keep me where I need to be.

I am becoming aware that the role of the submissive carries far more influence and power than I thought. So I want to encourage other submissive wives...
 Don't think you have nothing to give. Your role is important and necessary! We help our men become leaders. They need our help to embrace their role and we are to be a help meet to them.

The line above goes on to say that spouses also tend to live up to the esteem they receive from their mate. Men need to be built up and encouraged, thanked and shown appreciation for what they do for us. It's a lot we ask of them! This lifestyle, therefore, is not just about our needs as submissives but about filling the deepest needs of our husbands as well. The man wants to be your hero. He wants to know you need him. There is nothing more humiliating to a mans masculinity than a woman cutting him down verbally.

It says submission is a decision to yield to an authority. So apparently my submission to J also is something that esteems him thus encouraging his leadership in that way. He in turn will live up to his calling and meet my need for leadership because I am esteeming his role with my encouragement, appreciation and my submission to his lead.

This is the value in the submitted woman. Her self- control to live within her role is what is beautiful. She is of value to her husband in the way that by living within her role (physically and emotionally) she encourages his growth as a leader.

The woman may be the "weaker" vessel physically but she is strong in spirit.

 There is a cyclical nature to what takes place within this type of a dynamic. Our gift is our spirit which encourages our husband to lead. Their gift in turn is their strength which encourages our submission. Our submission fuels their mind and strength and in turn their leadership feeds our heart and soul. They are the head of the home and we are the heart of the home. Harmony can be found when we gift each other with the beauty of the role we were intended to live within.

Sunday, December 31, 2017

When I Began This Blog...

When I began this blog it was because I wanted to document my journey practicing DD with my husband.
When I began this blog it was because I wanted to be able to go back in time one day and see how far we've come. My interest was not in numbers, nor in comments, I honestly didn't expect much. Although it was nice to get comments and support from other like- minded people, it was not my sole reason for beginning this.

When I began this blog I didn't see DD as a game. Submission was not something I wanted to play at but to embrace with an open heart and a disciplined mind. When I began I was not out to entertain but to share, the hurt/ tears and victories that come with any relationship, yet with DD  being the common denominator.

When I began this blog I did not know that there are very different views on submission even within our "like-minded" community and that my expression of submission to my husband could be judged by the very ones I thought felt like myself.
When I began this blog I didn't know that I could be disrespected by those same people, my voice taken away, made insignificant, and my presence ignored.

When I began this blog I did not see that line drawn in the sand between those of us that seek "this thing" as a lifestyle choice and those of us who embrace an equally  beautiful expression  of  submission for sexual communion with the one they love. I see the lines now and I am disappointed. I cannot lie about who I am and I can not protect myself from your judgement other than to feel like I need to close myself off- this I am not willing to do.

When I began this blog I felt free to express myself and love others that I came across. I didn't realize that this embrace would not be returned by some. I thought the only danger posed was from those who do not understand this- and I realize now that I was naive.

What I wish to convey through my blog is that my husband is my best friend. It is possible to have this with someone even though we chose to recognize that our roles are not equal. We acknowledge and believe that we are equal in worth yet our functions are different.

What I wish to convey is that I will not be silenced. I will continue to support those that are like myself in this community and in return be supported. I will share the truth about how things are- good or bad- pretty or ugly and let you cry on my shoulder as I cry on yours. I will be a friend worth having and celebrate victories with one while comforting the hurting of another. I will look up to those who have come before and revere their words and experiences and become a guide for those who will come after me.

What I wish to convey is that I have never felt as free as I do when my husband shows his love for me through his leadership and I kneel before him to respect his place as my leader. This lifestyle is not all sad and we are not all miserable. There is great freedom found in "letting go" and trusting the one put by your side to guide you and walk through this life with you. There is great freedom in being held accountable in the areas I fail and feeling the clean slate after to go out and try again. There is great freedom in acknowledging that I am not my husbands authority but that he answers to God and with God's help he then leads me.

What I wish to convey is that I am sorry there are some who can not find it in themselves to respect my lifestyle choice as I do theirs. I am sorry there are some that can't forgive or at least be big enough to address an issue they have with another and not leave them hanging. I am sorry that some feel it's okay to hurt another by taking away their voice or in other instances simply not responding and treating another human being as if they don't matter. Even if all you have to say is goodbye, say it, let the other person move on.

I have been hurt here in blog land... but I have also found acceptance from a few. I will continue to pour out my heart and hope that those that are sincere will reach out. I will no longer be silenced in fear of what others may think but I will say what needs to be said. I am here for me, for my marriage, for my family, for you if you wish to follow my journey and in turn find support. I will no longer worry about that which I cannot control.

That being said, have a Happy New Year, each one of you that I have come to know and those of you that I will meet down the line. I hope this year treats you kind and may you find your way and be true to yourself in whatever that path may be.

Here's to the journey!


Sunday, December 10, 2017

Condolences and an Update

It's been so long since I've visited here... and I must say I've missed it. Before I get to today's post I want to first give my condolences to a fellow blogger, Roz, who I recently learned lost her mother. I was so sorry to hear about this. Roz, you are in my thoughts and prayers.♡

I've taken some time off from the blog lately in order to regroup. There were some things that really needed more of my attention for a time and honestly this is still the case. One of those things was my writing project which is coming along, more slowly than I had hoped, but it is coming. A good friend of mine is beta reading for me and I greatly appreciate her advice and encouragement. I am an aspiring author so this is my first attempt at becoming published. I hope to have my work submitted in January, fingers crossed, so we'll see. Hopefully I haven't jinxed myself too much there...

Secondly, I wanted to put more effort into my practice of submission to my husband. When I last wrote we were struggling a bit with our roles and things are better, but we are still working on growing in this area. So this is where I'll pick up today...

J had suggested that we have what I like to refer to as a "training period." He likes to refer to it as "boot camp." We have never participated in a couples boot camp before and I was a bit apprehensive and still am. But we talked out our concerns many times and did some research before committing to it. J wanted us to begin today and to actively participate in the boot camp for 21 days, the idea behind this being that it takes 21 days to form a habit. He decided to have us begin today so that our last day of boot camp would be New Years Eve and we would ring in the new year more fully engaged in our roles. Great thinking hun!  He came up with some things that he wanted us to put into practice for this period that would make our dynamic more intensified which I'll go over in a bit.

So my everyday rules are pretty simple... I need to conduct myself well both in the home and out of it, I need to respect J and his position of authority in the family, I need to ask permission on purchases and be sure to stay within my spending limit, I need to stay on top of my chores (unless of course I had a good reason not to like illness or something outside of my control), I have to take care of myself appropriately (this includes taking meds/ supplements, eating appropriately, and not smoking, drinking is ok but not in excess and I generally ask permission before I do just to be on the safe side), and I must drive responsibly (driving the speed limit, not texting when driving, etc.) Breaking any of these rules will get me punished in one way or another.

So all of these rules still apply to my everyday life but J has added a list of extras for our boot camp which he researched for ideas and wrote down the ones he felt would help us accomplish our goals. Let me also clarify, that we both have goals that we are striving to meet while putting this into practice...

 J's goal is to be a leader that is consistently fair with all those under his authority. He generally is and at times when I've felt that something wasn't handled in the right way I've been able to respectfully speak with him about it. But we have agreed that for the boot camp period I would forfeit my right to question him, or... gulp, even have an opinion... (now hang on) for the purpose of focusing on simply submitting to him. Ok, I know what I just said will likely not sit well with some but please understand that we are doing this to achieve a goal and not because we feel that any gender/ submissive partner should not be allowed to have a voice that is both heard and validated by their partner.
That said, he realizes what I am sacrificing in order to achieve my own goal during this training, my very voice, so that is why his goal is as such. It is of utmost importance that he is a fair leader as I am lowering myself to the status of a slave (in the terms of not having a voice and submitting blindly).

My goal in this is to learn to submit to J more fully. Now, after the 21 days things will return to normal and I will be permitted an opinion once again but for the sake of learning to submit more naturally, I am giving this up for now.

I am over- emphasizing here for a reason. I don't want there to be any misunderstandings.

So J decided on the things we would incorporate into our... eh hem... training period...

First, I have to sleep naked😐... this is because he wants me to wear my bathrobe in the morning and "open it" whenever he tells me to. (Yeah... he's a guy...) Ok, so the "research" that he did stated that having this in place reminds me that I am his and he can view me whenever he wishes.
This leads to the second addition... sex on demand. Obviously we will not practice these when the kids are in our vicinity.
Next, when I go up for morning check in (6AM) we have a maintenance spanking right off the bat. We do usually do maintenance spanking at morning check in. These are much less painful than punishments and the goal really is that they help me get focused and centered. Kind of like cold water or cold air can help a person wake up, well they work kind of like that for me. So the only difference here is that he wants to do them first thing rather than have our talk first.
I am to address his as Sir during check- ins or any other kind of session.
And I must ask first before doing anything of leisure (which I don't normally have to do).

So these are the basic changes and I must say that we couldn't have picked a harder time of year to attempt this. I mean really, Christmas is such a stressful time as it is and attempting this has me seriously worried that I am going to have a very sore ass by the end of it. I was already spanked tonight for breaking a... few ... rules unintentionally. I had every intention of kicking this thing off with golden colors, after all I've been so good lately, really! And the first day we start boot camp I wind up in the hot seat, literally!

(Not to mention that J has started to use his handy dandy wooden spoon again which hurts way more than the wand)

Ok, what happened is this...

So I went Christmas shopping today.... in a store! Now I am one that likes to do my shopping online. I don't like the crowds, I get overwhelmed when I have many people to shop for. There are too many things that catch my eye, I try to keep organized about how much I'm spending, try to be fair with who gets what, how many, how much, you get it... It's OVERWHELMING!!
And sure enough I wound up overspending on the amount that J told me I could spend. So rather than put something back and embarrass myself at the check out lane I paid for everything knowing I'd get spanked when I got home. I texted J when I got out to my van. I hate seeing him look disappointed when I tell him what I did so texting is so much easier.

"No not good." he responds.

He is not upset but I know I've disappointed him. We're on a tighter budget this year and he was counting on me to be responsible and honestly I did try but I didn't add it all up in my head before heading to check out. I thought I'd be okay, and really I wasn't that much over but it's the principle that counts and I know that he needs to be able to trust me to be precise.

When I got home he hugged me, sweet man that he is. I was beyond stressed and he knew I felt badly about messing up. We talked a bit while a couple of our kids played outside in the snow and he also gave me a maintenance spanking because I was so so stressed.
The stress makes it so much harder to submit like I want to and by the time the kids bedtime came I had broken two other rules.

I know we're all in this boat during this time of year and for practitioners of this lifestyle we really need to kick it up a notch just to get through the season. For those of us that live this way, this is what helps us keep our sanity and stay in check. It's sink or swim and if we don't kick it up, we're likely to sink.

A few days ago, I don't remember what the issue was now, but we were in our bedroom and I had just had a short fuse all morning. Finally J had had enough The door was closed and he turned me so my back was to him and bent me over our bed. I thought he was going to spank me and being in no mood to submit to him I covered my bottom. He took my arms and firmly placed them on the bed and then bared me. I covered myself again. I was seriously livid, my brain had totally checked out by this point. He took my arms, again, and held them to the bed. He spoke to me firmly telling me to trust him, he had me and I would be ok. He told me to just follow his lead. His voice was very calm and before long I was taking deep breaths and my body was relaxing. He did not spank me but the threat was there but really all he wanted to do was talk to me and for me to drop my guard, let the walls down.

I'm sure I will likely get stressed again. There's a lot happening here for us. We have more gifts to buy, gifts to wrap, Christmas events to attend, our services to give, friends and family to visit, a dinner to host, desserts to bake, ingredients to buy and an out of state guest coming to stay with us... during our boot camp period!
I am trying to finish a writing project, homeschooling my kids, attending functions for our one child that attends public school, attending functions for extra's no wonder I'm stressed. It's no wonder you're stressed. We can all relate!

This brings me to my final point for today's post. I don't know many of you... other bloggers, couples who practice DD or D/s... and I'd like to. This is a very lonely lifestyle to live when you don't have a support network. I want to invite you to comment on my blog or just say hello. For those of you that do blog, I was hoping to begin a new roll call list and get to know more of you. If you would be okay with me adding your blog to my list please let me know.😊

So for those that celebrate, I hope you have a very Merry Christmas in spite of how very stressful this time of year can be. Merry Christmas to you!! Try to relax as much as possible and enjoy the ones you love.

Take good care and I'll see you in the New Year,


Sunday, November 12, 2017

A Quick Note...

Hello everyone,

I hope you are all doing well. I wanted to drop a quick note to say that I will be quiet for a while. I've been honing in on a writing project... more to come on this soon... so I need to focus my extra time and energy on that right now.
On a second note, J and I and the family are doing great! J and I have had many conversations about expectations and implements and that sort of thing and have been much more in tune with each other this past week. My submission is another area I am trying to focus my time and attention because I've really been out of sync lately and not submitting to J well. This past week I did much better though.
 So until I return, I wanted to leave you with this...

These just speak to me right now. So until next time I wish you all well and hope you will stop back in when I am able to return. Thank you to all of you who have welcomed me here.



Sunday, November 5, 2017

The not so infamous "implement" post

Hello everyone! Happy Day Light Savings! I hope you are all doing well.
I was enjoying that extra hour of sleep until my dreams took a turn... I was dreaming that J shaved his face (he has a glorious beard) and no longer wanted our life or for me to call him Daddy. The first thing I did when I woke was reach out to run my hands through his beard and as he asked for his coffee I reveled in responding, "Yes Daddy."
Go ahead and laugh or roll your eyes or whatever, lol. I wave my freak flag high ya'll.

Anyhow, I wanted to talk about implements today. Ok so I promise this won't exactly be the infamous implement post. I just want to walk down memory lane a bit here with the implements J's used.

So when we began practicing DD, D/s J used a heavy duty paddle when it came time for punishments.
 The thing was wicked! We don't have it anymore. I'm not sure whatever happened to the dang thing...πŸ˜‰

And not only did it hurt like all get out, it was LOUD! One day after being given a punishment the night before I was coming from my van to the house and our neighbor happened to be outside.
"How you guys doing?" he asked a big smile, a big knowing smile on his face. J would say I'm being paranoid here but, seriously, it's not his backside apparently on display for all the neighbors to hear.
Anyhow, we tried other things, all loud...

 wooden spoon...


 (don't even get me started)...

tilt wands
 (which we currently use because they are "silent")...

Did you know they have glow- in- the- dark ones...

J thinks I need something more severe because the tilt wand isn't making enough of an impression... or so the man says...  I thinketh he protests too much...

So he threatened the paddle again and I begged him to reconsider. It's not because the thing hurts, honestly, it does but whatever. It's because it's so darn loud. I really don't want the neighborhood to know when I'm punished. Hey, I'm proud of our lifestyle in my own quiet way and would like to leave it to that.

So... he researched and found something that he is looking into trying... it is silent and ...gulp... severe...

You guessed right, the loopy johnny... (should I capitalize that?)

 I mean from what I hear the thing is serious business and I'm a bit apprehensive to say the least.
Any of you used one?

So anyhow, this past week was full of ups and downs and non- submissive moments. We've had a lot of talks and quite a few punishments. The past few days have been better though and I'm trying my darndest to keep it that way.

So until next time, I hope you all have a good week and stay outta trouble!

Love to you all,